We found the next great American novel

by Kelly Bowers on March 9, 2010

But Rich Shapero’s absurd story of nature and acid trips – entitled Wild Animus – definitely isn’t it.

They say you get what you pay for. In the case of Rich Shapero’s Wild Animus, nothing could be further from the truth. If you were one of the students who received – free of charge – the three-disk, one novel box set outside Broad or Haines from one of Shapero’s promoters, you should consider yourself blessed. This book is unintentional comedy gold.

Rich Shapero is a partner at the venture capitalist company, Crosspoint. Despite a career in finance and marketing he majored in English Literature at Berkeley. Wild Animus made Shapero the billionth man to prove just how beneficial that particular degree is to the world. As one of his characters said brilliantly of a university education, “Four years of this [college education]. We learned more on LSD.” Luckily, he was able to use his business degree as well because when no one would publish his book, he got to start his own publishing company.

Rich Shapero is a creative writer. I use the word here in the sense that bleeding heart elementary school teachers use the word when they discuss “creative spelling” or perhaps “spelang” with points for trying. Shapero, God bless the man, does not seem to realize that words mean things. The proof is in the title. Wild Animus is a book about wild animals (sort of). It’s a shame no one thought to tell Shapero that animus has more to do with animosity than animals. Is there such a thing as false cognates in one’s own language?

Perhaps that criticism isn’t fair. I really shouldn’t assume that English is Shapero’s native language. He’s trying though. Shapero is an old white man who works in finance but tries his best to prove he is not a dork…which is a shame because the guy’s absurd metaphors would ensure he fits in perfectly with The Next Generation’s “Children of Tama.” For example, when describing water, Shapero writes, “breezes from different quarters were crossing the pool, and where they met, the water was a lattice, countless diamonds shimmering hypnotically.” And I only say “Darmok and Jalad” to you, sir.

Regardless of how he chooses to say it, however Rich Shapero has no doubt he said something amazing. He told a reader, “I didn’t think it made sense for me to be a writer until I had something to communicate that was important.”

Well, I’m not entirely sure how that worked out for him.

The entire book makes a less-than-subtle attempt to salute drug induced spirituality. By far the best description of such “power” is given by the main character, Sam.

“There’s something beyond all this. We see hints in books and music. We feel it when we’re coming or when we’re high, when the things that don’t matter are stripped away.”

Yeah, man. Yeah. That’s like…deep.

According to some “experienced” reviewers [note to law enforcement and Grandma: not me] Shapero’s description of LSD trips are completely inaccurate. The fact that he choose to lump this experience he’s never had with an orgasm suggests confirmation to what I suspected while reading the rest of the book. This guy is totally a virgin. No doubt he thought self-publishing would help him score with the ladies but I’d guess he’s probably back to self…uhhh… publishing to pictures of lady-wolves by now. (As Shapero himself said, “When I’m alone, my longing for others is intense.” Take that as you will).

Or, you can always follow the adivce of username: “zymyrgy” in the Amazon user reviews and use it as a door stop. It is kind of dense.

By far and away, however, the most impressive part of this book is the accompanying music. Some books being distributed on campus were actually part of a boxed set that came with three separate CDs that supposedly coincide with the different parts of the novel. These songs were written, performed, and recorded by Shapero himself. They are stunning in that he combines folksy twang with the subtle crooning of a crow with laryngitis hitting puberty. This author was able to pay for his own publishing company and can distribute his book for free but a copy of Auto Tune is just too far out of his price range?

Ultimately, if you’re in need of a good laugh, head over to Broad and you’ll meet a distributor who will give you a free copy of the book. Give it a brief read. Laugh with friends. I recommend it wholeheartedly.

But don’t buy it. Please, whatever you do, do not spend money on this garbage. You may have noticed that for every book you see accepted by a student there are three in the trash.

There is a reason, dear Bruin. Save yourself.

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